Introducing: The You Me ADHD Book Club!
Are you struggling in an ADHD-challenged relationship? Join the discussion at the You Me ADHD Book Club. No fees. No registration. Always open. You’ll find simply chapter-by-chapter discussion fo my first book: Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? (Note: I moderate two free, open-to-the-public discussion groups here in Silicon Valley. And I moderate …
You, Me & ADHD: ADHD Relationship Support
Welcome to the first post in the You, Me, and ADHD online book club. It’s not really a book club in the traditional sense. It’s a series of first-person essays based on reading my first book, Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? My friend, Taylor J, writes about her personal reactions to each chapter. …
Chapter 1: Adult ADHD Myths Vs. Facts
Welcome back to the You Me ADHD Book Club, this time exploring important Adult ADHD Myths vs. Facts. The previous post focused on the book’s introduction. Now we enter Part I of the book’s three sections: “From the Tunnel of Love to the Roller Coaster: Could Your Partner Have ADHD?” Chapter 1 is entitled “Who Has …
Chapter 2: Living With Undiagnosed Adult ADHD
Living with undiagnosed ADHD, in a loved one or in oneself, can feel like being lost in the fog—often on a roller coaster. In fact, after the term roller coaster, the word that people most typically use when telling me their stories is fog. I opened Chapter 2 of Is It You, Me, or Adult …
Chapter 3: Deconstruct Your ADHD Roller Coaster
What does it mean to deconstruct your ADHD roller coaster? It’s my way of explaining that ADHD manifests differently in the individuals who have it. Moreover, the years that adults with ADHD (and their loved ones) spend without the benefit of diagnosis can result in all kinds of twists and turns. It’s just a fact: …
Chapter 4: ADHD Marriage and Money—Financial Loop De Loops
By Taylor J. ADHD marriage and money. Whew. Money issues within my marriage are what drove me to the ADHD spouses support group, and what drove my husband to treatment. This season in our dual-AHDD marriage was long, and it was terrifying. It nearly drove us to divorce, twice. I’m so glad this chapter exists. …
How Adult ADHD Can Affect Driving
By Taylor J. Adult ADHD can affect driving? Who knew? My husband drove a 1979 Ford Bronco for most of our marriage. That is, until it caught fire in a Home Depot parking lot. He saved the burned-out shell of it so he could fix it up….someday. Before treatment, I concluded his tendency to get …
ADHD and Sex: Peaks and Valleys In the Bedroom
By Taylor J Now we arrive at Chapter 6: “Peaks and Valleys: ADHD in the Bedroom.” That is, ADHD and sex. ADHD and Finances nearly destroyed our marriage. ADHD-fueled driving certainly gave us gray hair early in life. Sex, however, is not an area that has been a…. problem for us (thank you, Jesus!), in …
Chapter 7: More Mystifying Twists and Turns
By Taylor J. If the core challenge of ADHD is self-regulation, then we must understand: There are a lot of things that anyone’s “self” has to regulate. They don’t all show up on symptom lists, either. Chapter 7 hit me right between the eyes, because it called out my favorite form of poor self-regulation: …
Explaining The Inexplicable—of Unrecognized ADHD in Relationships
Explaining the Inexplicable. I used that phrase to describe the first “loop de loop” on the ADHD Roller Coaster. In other words, when ADHD goes unrecognized or misunderstood in a partner, we can look for all kinds of alternate explanations for confusing behavior. For example, you and your partner agree to purchase nothing over $100 …
Managing the Unmanageable: ADHD Relationship Roller Coaster’s Second Plunge
By Taylor J. It’s eerie, re-reading Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? after both my husband and I were diagnosed. Clearly, our relational patterns well fit the paradigm Gina presents here. Chapter 9 is the second chapter in the second section of the book. This section brought to light a subject never previously written …
The ADHD Roller Coaster’s Third Plunge
By Taylor J. I shut the bathroom door, sat on the floor, and sobbed. I’d just watched a mouse saunter through my disgusting kitchen. It didn’t even feel the need to run. Why should it? This well-trod path had a long history of bestowing tasty treats. No doubt the supply would remain plentiful. I was a horrible, …
Chapter 11: “Strategies for Right Now!”
By Taylor J. We arrive at Part 3 of the book. It is here we start getting equipped with strategies for making positive changes in our lives and relationships. This third section of the book is called Your Relationship and the Art of Roller Coaster Maintenance: Four Success Strategies. Chapter 11 opens the first Success Strategy: …
Chapter 12: Solving ADHD’s Double Whammy
By Taylor J. My husband: “I don’t have ADHD. I can’t have ADHD. I’m a super-important, intelligent, successful, capable person who couldn’t possibly have ADHD.” Me: “Yes, you’re super-intelligent. Yes, you’re super-important. Yes, you’re definitely capable. Yes, I love you with all my heart, and would never, ever want to live without you. My love, …
Chapter 13: Psychological Denial of ADHD, or The FEAR Factor
By Taylor J. Chapter 13 is the first chapter under the #2 Success Strategy: Dealing with Denial. As such, it covers the common psychological reasons behind denial of ADHD– that is, for either partner denying that there’s any real problem going on. (Or, if there is a problem, it most certainly is not ADHD.) Most …
Chapter 14: Adult ADHD & Brain-Based Denial
“Denial” of ADHD symptoms hurts everyone. But we compound our hurt when we wrongly attribute this denial in our ADHD partners to stubbornness or willfulness. Sometimes, that is the case. Many times, however, “ADHD denial” springs from ADHD neurobiology itself. No one was talking about this “brain-based denial” in 2000-2008. Including most ADHD specialists, including couple …
Chapter 15: Reaching Through ADHD Denial In A Loved One
Understanding denial is one thing; reaching through ADHD denial in a loved one is quite another. In previous chapters, we learned about what ADHD is, how it affects the brain, how it affects our relationship with our partner, and that our partner may genuinely not be able to see the problems… But….well…now what do we do? …
How Can Medication Help ADHD Relationships?
How can medication help ADHD relationships? It can help in reducing all the ADHD symptoms that challenge that individual in every aspect of life, including domestic life and in relationships. For many, it’s a true game-changer. In this post of the book club series, we discuss how ADHD can challenge relationships—and how can medication help …
