ADHD Roller Coaster Nothing Compared to This!

Compared to a new ride called the Life Force Crusher, which stimulates a grueling three-year relationship with someone named Deborah, the ADHD Roller Coaster pales in comparison.

Promoting the coaster as “the most heartbreaking ride on earth,” the Six Flags Magic Mountain theme park unveiled its newest attraction this week: a 395-foot-tall steel roller coaster.

Consider the Crusher’s features:

• Six disorienting vertical loops,
• 150-feet of highly unstable barrel rolls,
• a portion in the middle where the ride just suddenly stops for no reason and refuses to start again until riders apologize,
• an unexpected 310-foot drop at the very end.

And that’s not all!

Promoting the coaster as “the most heartbreaking ride on earth,” the Six Flags Magic Mountain theme park unveiled its newest attraction this week: a 395-foot-tall steel roller coaster designed to simulate a grueling three year relationship with Deborah.

“This heart-racing, gut-wrenching 90 mph free fall into unhealthy codependence and trust issues will have even the most extreme thrill-seekers begging for it to be over,” reads a Six Flags press release announcing the new coaster, which promises to require more attention and patience than any one man should reasonably be expected to have. “Can you survive the Agonizing Vortex of Unflagging Acrimony?”

If living with ADHD—your own or your partner’s—has grown exceedingly dull, this could be the ride for you! Click here to read more. …. at The Onion!