Seeking support ADHD challenges—your own or a loved one’s—in the most reliable, cost-effective, and easiest way possible? Desperate to find people who “get it”? Where you don’t have to explain every last detail and risk being mis-judged?
You’ve come to the right place! I began in 1999 facilitating such groups—and know the ropes very well by now.
In the early 2000s, I started organizing face-to-face meetings in Palo Alto—one for adults with ADHD and one for the “partners of.” Word spread regionally and then internationally. From humble beginnings, I’ve constantly branched out with new technologies and options.
Leading these groups for almost 20 years has been my immense privilege and pleasure. Seeing strangers of all ages and socioeconomic backgrounds come together for mutual support, strategy-sharing, and laughter restores one’s faith in humanity.
Gina’s Offerings for Adult ADHD Support and Education:
- Partners of Adults with ADHD — an international E-mail/web-based group. (We also welcome parents and siblings of adults with ADHD.) A modest monthly fee. Members have the option of joining in a monthly Zoom call with their peers.
- Everyone (including professionals!): Solving Your Adult ADHD Puzzle — my online training program
- Course Participant Zoom Group — Enrolling in online training gives you access to purchase 6 months of Q&A Zoom calls for a nominal fee (I facilitate and field questions).
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- We meet twice monthly, 75 minute
- This is a “mixed” group. Adults with ADHD. Partners and other loved ones. Some couples attend together.
- International. Members check in from around the globe — England, Australia, South Africa and all points in the U.S. Bonus: Includes access to initial Zoom meeting calls. (No longer being recorded.)
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- Free and for Everyone: “Virtual” Adult ADHD and Relationships Group Discussion — 16 posts right here on the ADHD Roller Coaster. Based on chapters in Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? Essays written by two women in dual-ADHD marriages. The discussion comes in the comments—read and leave a comment any time. Be as long-winded as you like! No one is getting impatient. The group is open 24-7!
You’ll find more details about each resource below.
The “Partners Of” Group: ADHD Partner…
ADHD Partner: This is hosted on the groups.io platform. It is not a chat room or a discussion board. Rather, it is e-mail based (you can also read at the website).
How does it work?
- Simple. Send an e-mail and go about your business. Come back and read the responses. It conforms to your schedule.
- Choose to receive individual e-mails or the daily and weekly digests—or read at the site. Search the archives for key topics.
- If you’re concerned about privacy, the platform allows you to create a profile name.
…Plus ADHD Partner Zoom Groups
ADHD Partner members can now participate in group support via Zoom. This is a rare and extremely invaluable resource. Many participants say that these meetings have helped them more than years of therapy—at a tiny fraction of the cost and time investment.
Men with female ADHD Partner often are the least likely to find understanding, from professionals and family/friends alike. That’s why I created a Zoom group just for you.
Join here: ADHD Partner
Adult ADHD Resources: Books and Courses
Over 25 years, I’ve created an extensive body of work to support you in self-education—in all aspects of Adult ADHD.
- My first book provides the solid foundation you need to start healing your life and your relationship: Is it You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder). Also available in ebook and audiobook.
- My second (co-authored) book created the first clinical model for Adult ADHD couple therapy based on the evidence of what works for Adult ADHD and for couple therapy: Adult ADHD-Focused Couple Therapy: Clinical Interventions
- My new training provides what we should find in individual and couple therapy for ADHD — but so rarely do. At an affordable price and with opportunities for peer camaraderie via Zoom. For more info: Solving Your Adult ADHD Puzzle
- The second corner puzzle piece is Physical Strategies – on optimizing ADHD issues with sleep and medication. You might be surprised at what your physician doesn’t know.
- The third corner puzzle piece is Practical Supports — to get a handle on time and get things done! As an individual or a couple.
Please note regarding my first book’s title: It was published in 2008—though all the information is “evergreen” and found nowhere else. At that time, the public still knew ADHD as Attention Deficit Disorder.
You, Me, and ADHD — Virtual Discussion Group
Finally, you’ll find another free online resource: the ADHD Relationship Virtual Discussion Group.
What’s virtual about it? It’s not a group per se. Rather, you can read and join in the comments as if it were! On your own time.
This is a collection of 16 essays, each based on a book chapter—and written by two women with late-diagnosis ADHD. Married to men with late-diagnosis ADHD.
I am particularly proud of this series and the writers behind it. Why? Because from the very beginning, I’ve never seen ADHD relationship issues as an issue of “ADHD vs. Non-ADHD”. In fact, I’ve often found that narrative harmful.
Instead of paving the way toward solutions, the “ADHD vs. Non-ADHD” view sets up a false dichotomy and ready-made conflict. Rather than recognizing that poorly managed ADHD affects all of life—not just a person’s “relationships”—it implies that the only challenge is the “relationship dynamic.”
Instead of seeing each couple as unique, this “ADHD vs. Non-ADHD” narrative over-simplifies challenges in a way that’s more useful to marketing than the couples themselves.
ADHD is a highly variable syndrome. Moreover, it is only one aspect of personality. Yes, there are common challenges. Let’s acknowledge them. But adults with ADHD are not clones. And, neither are their partners. Each couple is unique—and guess what? Some couples are dual-ADHD!
When ADHD adversely affects, in varying degrees, that adult’s education, employment, driving skills, temper, parenting consistency, substance use, sleep, health, and many other “domains of life,” that has an impact on the partner or spouse and the children. No amount of “couple communication” training is going to address these systemic challenges. Instead, these individuals and couples need solid and joint ADHD education, support, and evidence-based strategies.
…With Essays Written by Women in Dual-ADHD Marriages
Again, that’s why I feel so fortunate to have recruited two clever friends familiar with the broad spectrum of potential ADHD challenges to write these essays: Taylor J. (pseudonym) and Jaclyn Paul (who blogs at The ADHD Homestead).
Both women:
- Are excellent, thoughtful writers
- Were diagnosed with ADHD later in life
- Are mothers to children diagnosed with ADHD
- Are married to men with late-diagnosis ADHD
- Naturally have a parent (or two) with ADHD
- As I said, covering ADHD from all the angles
You can begin reading here: Chapter 1: Adult ADHD Myths and Facts
I look forward to welcoming you!
—Gina Pera, course creator and group leader
20 thoughts on “Adult ADHD and Partner Support Groups & Courses”
My husband is 60 and was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago. I have known him for ten years. During this time, he frequently has had “meltdowns” where he gets extremely emotional with the primary emotion being anger at me and/or self-loathing with loud yelling and sometimes crying. In my limited research, I have seen that these meltdowns are likely part of ADHD. He has taken Adderall for two years but continues to have the meltdowns about once per week. He won’t talk to his psychiatrist or psychotherapist about these meltdowns. Does anyone have any suggestions about how I can handle these meltdowns and possibly help him. Thanks
Hi Kevin,
There’s a reason that this post on “Madderall” has long been my most popular. Because for many people Adderall causes more problems than it solves. These days, with poor-quality generics, the risk is even higher.
https://adhdrollercoaster.org/adhd-news-and-research/the-tragic-truth-of-prescription-adderal-or-madderall/
If he is concerned about his health, he should surely know that “meltdowns” increase risk of stroke and other cardiovascular events, and also accidental injuries.
His therapist and psychiatrist should be getting feedback from you, the spouse. To not do so is medical negligence. But it happens all the time. This is because too many in the medical field underestimate the level of expertise required to properly treat ADHD.
Instead, they go by shark-like marketing about Adderall being “best for adults”. Which is absolutely not true.
Sometimes, those taking Adderall and experiencing problematic effects don’t want their prescribers to know. They are afraid that they will take away their “super human focus” drug. But it’s not super human. In fact, it is often tunnel vision.
You can always send a registered letter to the prescriber, informing them of what is happening and that you will hold them legally culpable if harm should come to your husband during one of these “meltdowns”. They don’t have to respond to you, due to privacy laws. But nothing stops you from communicating to them.
Of course, the risk is that the prescriber WILL drop the Adderall, and your partner will be angry. Whether that risk is worth it, is up to you. If your husband is being violent toward you, you have every right to take care of yourself.
good luck
Gina
Hello, me and my husband and my two boys have ADHD and we are all being treated but we have very high impairments, I would like to know if your courses for couples would still apply since we both have ADHD , thank you so much
Hi Tatiana,
Thanks for the question. Absolutely, the courses are for you.
I know it’s sometimes hard to weed through all the words, but I explain as best I can that the training is for individuals AND couples. Professionals, too.
With a dual-ADHD couple, I’d say it’s especially important for you to maximize your education and treatment.
Unfortunately, what some prescribers view as “treatment” is really slapdash and inadequate. We really do best to learn for ourselves how to optimize medication so we can work as a team with prescriber — and each other. And sleep as well.
So, your high impairments might be due to inadequate medication (wrong medication, wrong dose, not long-lasting, inferior generic, etc.). But it might also be due to the lack of skill training. Course 3 focuses strongly on creating external supports for Executive Functions. So you can take a load off your brain!
Definitely, I’d highly recommend this training. And I would tell you if I didn’t think it would be helpful.
This page gives a quick overview of your options — and how the “puzzle pieces” all fit together.
Feel free to contact me if you have questions or concerns.
https://ginapera.adhdsuccesstraining.com/
take care
g
best
Gina
Hi. In a dual ADHD marriage do the partners attend support groups for partners as well as people with ADHD?
Hi M,
Two groups, two situations.
1. ADHD Partner e-mail/website/Zoom-based group
Some members themselves have ADHD. But typically, they are the “higher-functioning” partner. They are dealing with issues also common to the so-called “non-ADHD Partner.”
The group benefits them by providing validation and support—and a place to share their perceptions and be heard.
I ask that members who have ADHD themselves try not to take personally the ADHD-related frustrations aired in the group.
It’s better to “vent” to a group than to one’s partner who might be “in denial” or on the verge of diagnosis or treatment. It’s important to be optimistic.
2. Silicon Valley Adult ADHD group
Since COVID, this in-person group has gone to Zoom.
The “partners of” are welcome but are asked to be listeners, not speakers.
Of course, it’s different for folks in dual-ADHD relationships.
This group is local to Silicon Valley and the wider SF Bay Area.
3. More support at my training platform
Through my courses, I also offer group Q&A Zoom sessions.
These are a mixed audience from around the globe — adults with ADHD (some in dual-ADHD relationships), the other partner, sometimes professionals.
A unique opportunity that I highly recommend!
I hope this helps.
Gina
Thanks Gina. Really enjoying your first book. It explains a lot for me, and hopefully at some point, my spouse who likely also has undiagnosed and untreated ADHD.
I took a screening test and have booked an appointment to get tested. He has agreed to do the online screening test but has a lot of health problems and said he doesn’t think he could handle “another diagnosis”.
Hi M,
I urge caution on the evaluation. They often are done poorly, and sometimes that means the only “window opportunity” shuts on one’s fingers. 🙂
I understand his reluctance to get “another diagnosis.” The thing is, ADHD itself is associated with so many health conditions…..viewing some of those conditions through the ADHD lens and getting ADHD treatment could resolve some of them.
I made this a major area of focus in Course 2: Physical Strategies (Sleep and Medication):
https://ginapera.adhdsuccesstraining.com/course-2-physical-strategies
You can check out what’s covered at that link.
Good luck!
Gina
Hi Gina
My husband is 59 and he was diagnosed when he was 55. What would you recommend reading first?
Thank you in advance,
Kira
Hi Kira,
I would start with “Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.?”
It’s very comprehensive, in explaining what ADHD is, what late-diagnosis “baggage” might look like, the potential effect on the partners of poorly managed ADHD, and the evidence-based treatment strategies. Plus a lot more. 🙂
https://amzn.to/3kdB6Me
I hope you find it helpful,
Gina
Hi gina, do you have any support groups for non adhd groups cause i have a bf who has adhd and i need someone to talk about it cause it can be frusating and annoying, i know he cant help it but it just draining sometimes.
Hi Brittany,
Yes, you commented on the post that details the info. Above.
Please note: I never use the term “non-ADHD”. So if you were looking for that, that’s why you missed it.
My group for the partners of adults with ADHD welcomes anyone who has a partner with ADHD — and that sometimes includes other people with ADHD. 🙂
Cheers
Gina
Have any zoom meetings been scheduled since covid?
Hi Gwnyneth,
I’m working on it.
Family illness and other COVID-related issues — plus my work — has meant I’ve had no extra time.
Moreover, the online partners group has been swelling with applications. It’s a lot to manage.
But look for them soon.
Hi. How do I join the virtual partners’ group?
Hi Elsa,
You can learn more about the virtual group for the partners of adults with ADHD here:
https://groups.io/g/ADHDPartnerWithGinaPera
Cheers,
g
Gina, Hmmm, maybe because I was establishing contact via my laptop and not a mobile device that was the problem. I did get your responses in my yahoo email – sorry for so many of them! – and it looks like I’m now in the group. Thanks for your facilitating that. I’m looking forward to sharing stories and solutions with the other members.
Jeannine aka Kidlet Who Cooks
Welcome!
Tried to join the yahoo group 3 day ago. Looks like membership process initially started. Never received the auto email application. Sent email to group addresses asking about this, but no response. Can’t start over – Join Now button no longer on page. Help!
Hi there,
Sorry that you had trouble. It seems that with the advent of more people receiving e-mail on mobile devices, the system has become more reliable.
I’ll find your pending application and write to you directly.
g