Finding Books on Adult ADHD by Gina Pera

books on Adult ADHD Gina Pera
Gina working in the garden, as sneakily photographed by husband, Dr. Goat

Looking for solid, respected, and timeless guidance on Adult ADHD, including in relationships?  Here’s a quick over of my work in paperback, ebook, or audio formats?

Over 22 years of ceaseless researching and innovating, I humbly point out that my four major print works include four important “Firsts”:

  1. The first comprehensive layperson’s guide to Adult ADHD, including the potential effects of poorly managed ADHD on loved ones and the adults themselves—along with a consumer’s guide to treatment strategies.
  2. A groundbreaking professional guide on ADHD couple therapy for clinicians and consumers—the first based on the evidence of what works for couple therapy and what works for Adult ADHD
  3. Kindle-only book about ADHD’s potential effect on sexual intimacy and how to address challenges
  4. The first-ever chapter on ADHD couple therapy in psychologist Dr. Russell Barkley’s gold-standard clinical guide. Written at Dr. Barkley’s invitation.

For an overview of my published work on Amazon —and Amazon reader reviews—please visit Gina Pera Amazon Author page.

1. Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.?

ADHD relationship book

Winner of four national book awards! Praised by a “Who’s Who” of preeminent experts!

This bestselling guide put Adult ADHD and Relationships on the map — and remains a must-read today.

Adults with ADHD, their partners and other loved ones, and professionals will find comprehensive understanding of symptoms, emotional impact, and evidence-based treatment strategies.  This guide also broke new ground by detailing the potential effects of poorly managed ADHD on the partners and other loved ones.

“I recommend it highly to all couples whose troubles seem incomprehensible, and for all couples therapists it should be required reading to help them distinguish between ordinary conflict and the roller coaster effect of this syndrome.”
—Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.

“Insightful, helpful, witty, and very practical. This book can change your life.”
—Daniel Amen, MD

“There is no better book that addresses such relationship difficulties and with such sensitivity to the complex issues inherent in them. Thank you, Gina, for writing such a useful book.”
—Russell A. Barkley, PhD

“Gina Pera has written a stunning book that should be a must-read for all couples where one or both partners have
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.”
—Anthony Rostain, MD

Read more endorsements on the book’s detail page, through the links below.

Available in Three Formats (as well as in Spanish and Turkish):

  1. Paperback on Amazon: Is It Me, You, or Adult A.D.D.? 
  2. Paperback internationally: Check wherever you buy books
  3. Kindle e-book: Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.?
  4. Apple iBook:  Is It You, Me, or. Adult A.D.D.?
  5. Check other ebook sellers: Google Play, Kobo, Barnes & Noble, Scribd, and 50 more internationally!
  6. Audio: 12 audio CDs, 2Mp3 CDs, or audio download, available from Amazon and Tantor Media

Please note: The ebook versions have been updated to 2022.

Read along with the You Me ADHD book club. This is a series of first-person essays written by my friends who happen to be in dual-ADHD marriages (with children diagnosed with ADHD as well!).

adhd couple therapy book2. Adult ADHD-Focused Couple Therapy: Clinical Interventions

Co-authored with veteran ADHD expert and psychologist Arthur L. Robin.  Published in 2016  by Routledge/Taylor & Francis.

Thanks to burgeoning ADHD awareness, individuals and couples worldwide are seeking ADHD Couple Therapy. Until now, however, we’ve had no solid guide — a guide based on the evidence of what works for Adult ADHD and for couple therapy. Now there is: Adult ADHD-Focused Couple Therapy: Clinical Interventions (Routledge, 2016).

The co-authors are recognized internationally as leaders in the field: Gina Pera and Arthur L. Robin, PhD.

ADHD-related challenges underlie many of the issues that bring couples to therapy—money, sex, chore-sharing, co-parenting. Yet, they are too often misperceived as typical “couples troubles” —nothing to do with this neurogenetic brain condition.Instead, these desperate couples largely find:

  1. Couple therapists who lack the ability to recognize or factor in ADHD contributors to relationship distress.
  2. Individual therapists who might understand Adult ADHD but lack the ability to provide couple therapy in an equitable fashion. That is, one that does not simply recruit the partner as a “helper” to the ADHD partner.
  3. Therapists of any type who underestimate the role of neurobiology in dysfunctional behaviors and couple dynamics.

The results? Clients might seem to improve functioning for a while. The minute therapy stops, however, all progress stops, too.

Available at many outlets, including Amazon: Adult ADHD-Focused Couple Therapy: Clinical Interventions

3. Adult ADHD and Sex

Yes, sexual expression is yet another one of those areas—like sleep—where the public and professionals alike often fail to connect the dots to ADHD symptoms.

As I write in Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.?:

Adult ADHD books by Gina Pera

When ADHD does create significant sexual problems, it usually falls into two categories: The ADHD partner initiates sex all the time or almost never. In the sexual relationship as in elsewhere with ADHD, we encounter variable challenges in self-regulation and summoning motivation.”

Between these extremes (always and never) lies a range of issues that can drive apart couples—if they don’t know what they’re dealing with or what strategies to implement. Ignorance about this critically important connection between ADHD and sexual intimacy creates so much unnecessary hurt.

This is a 2.99 (affordable for everyone!) Kindle-only book. If you don’t have  Kindle, you can read on your computer, iPad, or phone by downloading Amazon’s free Kindle app.
Adult ADHD & Sex: What You Need to Know (That Sex Therapists Cannot Tell You)

 

4. ADHD Couple Therapy Chapter in Russell Barkley’s Clinical Guide

Russell Barkley, PhD ADHD clinical Guide book cover. chapter by Gina PeraDr. Russell Barkley invited  me to contribute the first-ever chapter on couple therapy to his revised clinical guide: Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: A Handbook for Diagnosis and Treatment, Fourth Edition (2014).

It expands upon our couple therapy clinical guide and orients ADHD specialists to the importance of keeping in mind needs of the Adult with ADHD, the partner, and the relationship.

 

 

 

 

Thank you for your interest in my books and chapter about Adult ADHD. I look forward to meeting you at my new training site, with engaging and highly educational courses for adults with ADHD, couples, and professional Solving Your Adult ADHD Puzzle

—Gina Pera

40 thoughts on “Finding Books on Adult ADHD by Gina Pera”

  1. Gina,

    I’m reading Is it You, Me, or Adult Add, and your book has been a GODSEND! I’m currently dating a young lady that has it, and I didn’t learn she had Add until six months into dating and then maybe another two before I started trying to learn more about it.

    Let’s say we have been/are having our fair share of communication problems, and while I’m a very patient and compassionate person – I started losing confidence in myself. Your book has helped me realize I’m not losing it, and I’ve had ideas for implementing good healthy ideas in our relationship to help.

    I don’t know what direction we are going, but I’m learning to put myself first a little more. I know there is work that WE BOTH need to do, but I’m also learning that both of us have to be willing to look in the mirror and do it.

    Thank you for all of the time you have devoted to your work. Everyone is different, and the journey doesn’t look the same, but having a resource like your work helps those that love someone faced with this challenge have a better sense of clarity and direction.

    Somedays, I still feel in the dark, but at least now I have a flashlight. I’m just hoping the lights come on before my battery runs out. Thank you

    1. Dear John,

      Thank you for taking the time to write.

      I’m grateful that my book has helped you to get clarity — and retain confidence in yourself.

      Living in a “mental house of mirrors” can make even the most well-adjusted, secure person develop self-doubt.

      You’re right. This is a joint issue.

      My online training launches soon!

      g

  2. Hello,
    I found your book while reading about ADHD and relationships online – my partner and I (both with ADHD) don’t have ADHD-related issues in our relationship yet but we’re both in transitional stages in our life/relationship and as a child of divorce I would prefer to be proactive and be aware of keeping issues away instead of catching them too late (also my ADHD has been really nasty these last few weeks).
    I haven’t read your book yet (adding it to my amazon cart is my next step after sending this comment) but I noticed you mentioning in a reply to someone else’s comment that you made sure to include same-sex relationships in your book. I would like to thank you for this. As a woman with ADHD in a same sex relationship, I know I am not the ‘archetypal’ ADHD person many would write about – and I have seen many an article slip into “he” for the adhd partner and “she” for the partner without. It can be uncomfortable and invalidating to be forgotten, especially with something so culturally weighted as ADHD, and I really appreciate your efforts of inclusion there – and awareness that the dynamic of relationships like mine will be inherently different that in straight relationships (not better or worse, just different). I’ll be honest, reading your comment mentioning this was what pushed me over the edge to order your book.
    Thank you,
    Ann

    1. Dear Ann,

      Thank you for your kind, touching note. I’m grateful to know that, in whatever small way, my work has provided validation for you.

      At the time of writing, 2008, I received some harsh criticism for even using the word “partner.” “Gina, are you talking about a BUSINESS partner? Do you mean a LAW partner? 🙂

      Some folks also warned me that I would turn off a large segment of the reading public.

      Well, too bad for them, I thought. Right is right.

      In my online group, I also saw that ADHD was the “great equalizer” — that is, many challenges were universal across all kinds of people and their relationships.

      You know what….MANY people with ADHD aren’t the “archetypal ADHD person.”

      Unlike many writing more in terms of marketing than reality, I’ve sat in a room with 40 random people with ADHD, every month, for years.

      My motto: There are no cookie cutters. 🙂

      Take care and best of luck to you.

      g

  3. Survivor girlfriend

    This article is such a relief to read. I wondered why my partner likes to argue and blame me so much. I used to think he was a narcissist-type, I never realised it was self-medicating and now I see it clearly as it gets rid of all the angst within him and projects all the problems on to me. I don’t know how I will survive my relationship but I look forward to reading your books. Thank you so much.

    1. Hi Tam,

      I’m glad you found my blog—and some validation.

      I know this road, and I love to shine a light on the path for others behind me.

      Read these two books (or even just the first one), and you will know more about ADHD (especially the potential effect on relationships and the partner) than 90% of the mental-health profession.

      I’m not even kidding. I wrote the books because my husband and I had been failed so horribly. And so have millions of others.

      Good luck!
      g

  4. Is it possible to be happy if you have a couple with ADD?
    I just started one of your books and really looks like it´s impossible to be happy.
    Adri

    1. Hi Adri,

      Keep reading!

      No, it’s not “impossible to be happy.” I know plenty of happily married people with ADHD (though they surely had struggles before they knew about ADHD and did something about it).

      But please keep in mind…people with ADHD are not clones. They are individuals with varying degrees of a highly variable syndrome — with all the rest of personality consider.

      It’s a case by case basis.

      g

  5. For some reason i am getting a Sorry! We couldn’t find that page. Try searching or go to Amazon’s home page. when i click on the Kindle link above: e-book (Kindle format and NOOK format).

    Hope you can take this remark off after it is fixed.

    1. Hi Nora,

      Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to point out that glitch.

      Amazon changes things without notice, and that link has been there a few years.

      I fixed it.

      Thanks!!
      g

  6. Hi Gina,

    I’ll be buying your first book tomorrow to further inform myself about the destructiveness of ADD in my own relationship with my wife whom is effected…even though we’ll likely be separating soon, I want some additional clarity beforehand to smooth the transition and have a clearer understanding.

    Though we no longer argue, we’re roommates at best, perhaps too fatigued and aware of the catalysts leading to conflict after 10 years of conflict to allow them to occur anymore, or to reattempt resolution a septillionth time, while the relationship remains wholly loveless. I’m hoping to find examples of men with ADD partners in your book, as this presents unique and rarely discussed troubles when children are involved, and was seldom mentioned in “The ADHD Effect on Marriage”.

    It’s a blessing that people such as yourself have devoted the time to compiling these bodies of shared knowledge. Thank you.

    1. Hi Andrew,

      Yes, many men whose female partners have ADHD have passed through my support group. I’ve always had particular empathy for them, as it can take a lot suffering to push some men to seek a support group. 😉

      Plus, sometimes their relationship problems center on issues that make them seem like a “male chauvinist pig” for complaining — their female partners grappling with poorly managed ADHD might offer little to no physical intimacy, the house is a mess, there’s no cooking (at least by a reasonable dinnertime hour) and too much shopping, etc. But the fact is, sometimes that is the household division of labor. And when one partner is bringing home the paycheck, the other partner needs to be doing his or her share.

      I’ve met more than a few men who are making a good living at a high-stress job yet also preparing the kids for school in the morning, checking homework at night, making dinner, and bathing/putting to bed the children.

      I’m not implying that it’s easier for women who are dealing with a male ADHD partner not doing their share at home (or with the paycheck). It simply seems easier for women to find a sympathetic ear about such things than it is for men. Sometimes, though, the feedback is, “That’s men for you!” But I know that’s not true.

      I also made sure to include same-sex relationships in the book, knowing full well that might close avenues to a certain segment of “Christian” readers.

      So many superficial explanations can obscure ADHD’s impact on a relationship. The challenges might be attributed to “marriage is hard” or “gay relationships are hard” or “Mars Venus”.

      But when ADHD is afoot in the relationship, it’s critical to recognize it, in all its guises, forms, and genders. 😉

      Good luck in creating some understanding of your relationship, even if you do not choose to continue it.

      g

  7. Pingback: The Evolution of the Desk - ADHD Roller Coaster with Gina Pera

  8. Hello Gina,

    Very much anticipating the publication of your new book on counselling couples where there is ADHD.
    This a huge and sad problem for couples and those of us who try to help will, no doubt, find your work of great assistance.

    Going to a certain book seller to look at advanced purchasing.

    B

    1. Hi Brett,

      I really hope you find it helpful. That’s 3+ years of my life (including most weekends) that I’ll never get back. 🙂

      I’m also investigating offering online instruction for therapists — and clients. Stay tuned!

      tx
      g

  9. I am very glad I found your website and am ordering your book.

    My 55 year old partner has recently been diagnosed with ADHD after I ‘nagged’ him until he relented and saw a doctor (general practitioner).

    The dr prescribed Ritalin and sent him on his way. 3 months later my partner was experiencing shortness of breath and general tiredness. He was diagnosed with having a heart disorder & underwent a minor procedure to correct heart palpitations. His heart is now fine and he’s sworn off Ritalin, both he and his heart specialist blaming the drug. now convinced medication won’t work, and we just have to live with his condition.

    He SAYS it doesn’t overly concern him & I should just get on with life and stop over analysing things and stop trying to control everything.

    I on the other hand, just wish to experience something approaching ‘calm’ & ‘order’ again! I’m not a control freak but I know when I’m not coping, and I’m not coping now!!

    I am a police officer and this job is a walk in the park compared to living with someone with ADHD. My partner has been married twice before and left his second wife for me. He has four children from 9- 27. Sometimes I pray he will just leave me too. Other days I fantasize that something awful will happen to him to payback the misery he causes those of us who have to live with him. I teeter between trying desperately to help him and then when I fail, to leaving him. Each time I have left he has chased me so with such determination, I have relented, often through exhaustion. I have lost the respect of my own children, my friends and work colleagues, all of whom think I am crazy to keep on putting up with him.

    Exasperating does not start to describe his behaviour, and I regard this time of my life as something I just have to endure, that one day I will escape to my coastal paradise (on my own!!!). I’m counting on it, it’s what keeps me sane. I might add that I have loved my partner and looked up to him, trusted him and tried to understand and support him. I have helped him through an unpleasant divorce and tried to survive a blended family situation (another story!). His youngest child also has ADHD (undiagnosed) but when I suggest this, I am the evil step parent. I am now finally worn out. Love? This is now just trying to get on with things, not love.

    He has done some incredibly hurtful things and breached my trust on so many occasions, I don’t think I could ‘love’ him in the true sense any more. I have to look after myself, and I can’t just keep lining up for the emotional punishment he delivers with such apperent unawareness. If anything this experience has given me such sympathy for anyone living in my situation. I do not feel sorry for myself at all – I did choose this man after all. But it makes me very sad that there must be countless people out there suffering through a similar situation and that there is really not much out there in the way of understanding or support, and medical help? We may as well be trying to split an atom. I thank you for your website. I am tentatively hoping I have now opened a door to the enlightenment I so desperately need.

    1. Hi Elizabeth,

      I do hope you read my book, because I think it will validate many of your experiences.

      It will also explain, I hope, how no matter how much we love a person or want to “help,” ADHD can be bigger that our best intentions.

      The right information. The right treatment. They can help get folks on the right track.

      Too often, of course, the hurt has mounted over many years. On both sides. Repairing that hurt and undoing many of the poor coping strategies can be a challenge. Sometimes it’s best to cut your losses and take care of yourself, lest you keep being drawn into the vortex of chaos.

      Only you can know the right path for you. My book provides many details and insights that should help you both, no matter what your future decision about the relationship.

      Good luck to you and do take care of yourself,
      Gina

  10. Well it does seem to explain a lot … why I can’t remember some of my past, why I can watch a show and not even realise I saw it before until the ending – I was either thinking of something else at the time (daydreamng) or I just wasn’t paying full attention, wasn’t absorbing. I actually felt/feel like I have been living in a fog – just going a long like a zombie – just doing because it was expected (or so I thought) … I did not say no to people asking me for help because I was afraid of not being liked. I managed my life by fixing other lives, it was my high – leaving me not having to deal with mine but I burned out. Now that I have backed away – I can see the error in my ways, I can lay off my sons problems, not be so overwhelming (I am pretty sure he has tuned me out in self-defense) … I can see I need to fix my ways before I can do anything else.
    Funny story that kind of sums up my life in my fog: I tried weed once, I didn’t know if I was thinking or saying it out loud … I would watch and wait for response if I “thought” I said something but didn’t get and answer laeving me dumbfounded OR worse … I actually said out loud what I was thinking … sometimes it was not good … ><
    Thank you again for all your help …

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