Finding Books on Adult ADHD by Gina Pera

books on Adult ADHD Gina Pera
Gina working in the garden, as sneakily photographed by husband, Dr. Goat

Looking for solid, respected, and timeless guidance on Adult ADHD, including in relationships?  Here’s a quick over of my work in paperback, ebook, or audio formats?

Over 22 years of ceaseless researching and innovating, I humbly point out that my four major print works include four important “Firsts”:

  1. The first comprehensive layperson’s guide to Adult ADHD, including the potential effects of poorly managed ADHD on loved ones and the adults themselves—along with a consumer’s guide to treatment strategies.
  2. A groundbreaking professional guide on ADHD couple therapy for clinicians and consumers—the first based on the evidence of what works for couple therapy and what works for Adult ADHD
  3. Kindle-only book about ADHD’s potential effect on sexual intimacy and how to address challenges
  4. The first-ever chapter on ADHD couple therapy in psychologist Dr. Russell Barkley’s gold-standard clinical guide. Written at Dr. Barkley’s invitation.

For an overview of my published work on Amazon —and Amazon reader reviews—please visit Gina Pera Amazon Author page.

1. Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.?

ADHD relationship book

Winner of four national book awards! Praised by a “Who’s Who” of preeminent experts!

This bestselling guide put Adult ADHD and Relationships on the map — and remains a must-read today.

Adults with ADHD, their partners and other loved ones, and professionals will find comprehensive understanding of symptoms, emotional impact, and evidence-based treatment strategies.  This guide also broke new ground by detailing the potential effects of poorly managed ADHD on the partners and other loved ones.

“I recommend it highly to all couples whose troubles seem incomprehensible, and for all couples therapists it should be required reading to help them distinguish between ordinary conflict and the roller coaster effect of this syndrome.”
—Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.

“Insightful, helpful, witty, and very practical. This book can change your life.”
—Daniel Amen, MD

“There is no better book that addresses such relationship difficulties and with such sensitivity to the complex issues inherent in them. Thank you, Gina, for writing such a useful book.”
—Russell A. Barkley, PhD

“Gina Pera has written a stunning book that should be a must-read for all couples where one or both partners have
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.”
—Anthony Rostain, MD

Read more endorsements on the book’s detail page, through the links below.

Available in Three Formats (as well as in Spanish and Turkish):

  1. Paperback on Amazon: Is It Me, You, or Adult A.D.D.? 
  2. Paperback internationally: Check wherever you buy books
  3. Kindle e-book: Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.?
  4. Apple iBook:  Is It You, Me, or. Adult A.D.D.?
  5. Check other ebook sellers: Google Play, Kobo, Barnes & Noble, Scribd, and 50 more internationally!
  6. Audio: 12 audio CDs, 2Mp3 CDs, or audio download, available from Amazon and Tantor Media

Please note: The ebook versions have been updated to 2022.

Read along with the You Me ADHD book club. This is a series of first-person essays written by my friends who happen to be in dual-ADHD marriages (with children diagnosed with ADHD as well!).

adhd couple therapy book2. Adult ADHD-Focused Couple Therapy: Clinical Interventions

Co-authored with veteran ADHD expert and psychologist Arthur L. Robin.  Published in 2016  by Routledge/Taylor & Francis.

Thanks to burgeoning ADHD awareness, individuals and couples worldwide are seeking ADHD Couple Therapy. Until now, however, we’ve had no solid guide — a guide based on the evidence of what works for Adult ADHD and for couple therapy. Now there is: Adult ADHD-Focused Couple Therapy: Clinical Interventions (Routledge, 2016).

The co-authors are recognized internationally as leaders in the field: Gina Pera and Arthur L. Robin, PhD.

ADHD-related challenges underlie many of the issues that bring couples to therapy—money, sex, chore-sharing, co-parenting. Yet, they are too often misperceived as typical “couples troubles” —nothing to do with this neurogenetic brain condition.Instead, these desperate couples largely find:

  1. Couple therapists who lack the ability to recognize or factor in ADHD contributors to relationship distress.
  2. Individual therapists who might understand Adult ADHD but lack the ability to provide couple therapy in an equitable fashion. That is, one that does not simply recruit the partner as a “helper” to the ADHD partner.
  3. Therapists of any type who underestimate the role of neurobiology in dysfunctional behaviors and couple dynamics.

The results? Clients might seem to improve functioning for a while. The minute therapy stops, however, all progress stops, too.

Available at many outlets, including Amazon: Adult ADHD-Focused Couple Therapy: Clinical Interventions

3. Adult ADHD and Sex

Yes, sexual expression is yet another one of those areas—like sleep—where the public and professionals alike often fail to connect the dots to ADHD symptoms.

As I write in Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.?:

Adult ADHD books by Gina Pera

When ADHD does create significant sexual problems, it usually falls into two categories: The ADHD partner initiates sex all the time or almost never. In the sexual relationship as in elsewhere with ADHD, we encounter variable challenges in self-regulation and summoning motivation.”

Between these extremes (always and never) lies a range of issues that can drive apart couples—if they don’t know what they’re dealing with or what strategies to implement. Ignorance about this critically important connection between ADHD and sexual intimacy creates so much unnecessary hurt.

This is a 2.99 (affordable for everyone!) Kindle-only book. If you don’t have  Kindle, you can read on your computer, iPad, or phone by downloading Amazon’s free Kindle app.
Adult ADHD & Sex: What You Need to Know (That Sex Therapists Cannot Tell You)

 

4. ADHD Couple Therapy Chapter in Russell Barkley’s Clinical Guide

Russell Barkley, PhD ADHD clinical Guide book cover. chapter by Gina PeraDr. Russell Barkley invited  me to contribute the first-ever chapter on couple therapy to his revised clinical guide: Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: A Handbook for Diagnosis and Treatment, Fourth Edition (2014).

It expands upon our couple therapy clinical guide and orients ADHD specialists to the importance of keeping in mind needs of the Adult with ADHD, the partner, and the relationship.

 

 

 

 

Thank you for your interest in my books and chapter about Adult ADHD. I look forward to meeting you at my new training site, with engaging and highly educational courses for adults with ADHD, couples, and professional Solving Your Adult ADHD Puzzle

—Gina Pera

40 thoughts on “Finding Books on Adult ADHD by Gina Pera”

  1. Yes, I believe I have been bombarding my son.
    Yes, I may have ADHD – I can be OVERLY obsessive with whatever I am focusing on, I dislike being in crowds, I dislike being the centre of attention, I hurt easily and can’t let it go, I embarrass easily, I do not like not being able to “fix” peoples problems, I like things to be in “order”, traumatic events make me become paralized – I feel helpless, I worry too much of what “could” happen, I have day “what would I do if” nightmares, I became an introvert-I have no friends (at my choice) because I can not handle my own life (and family) problems let alone anyone elses problems. I seemed to be a magnet for helping solve other peoples (friends) problems, I can’t say “no” – so I backed out of socializing because doing that “fixing” wore me down emotionally and physically.
    These books and this conversation are also helping me to understand me. Almost 54 years old and I am finally understanding and noticing what “I” was doing, what I am like, and what I have to work on.

    1. Good for you, for being honest with yourself.

      I believe the best way to help your son now is to help yourself.

      By now, he’s accustomed to tuning you out — perhaps in self-defense. It’s just too much.

      But he will NOTICE if you start making positive changes in your own life. That will get his attention, and through you, he might learn more about what is possible when it comes to managing ADHD.

      good luck!
      g

  2. I meant to ask – do you think tapes of “white noise” may benefit his anxiety attacks, aggressive feelings and sleepness nights?

  3. AS soon as I sent the last response I realized I already that knew why he “sometimes he does things very well, then next time he won’t even make the effort – Inconsistency … and I realize why he (and I) both misunderstand – it’s all in one’s own personal perception of what they heard/saw and if we heard/saw everything, not just bits and pieces. I also know assumptons also play a big role in our misunderstandings and disagreements.
    It helps to think of his brain (and my brain) that way because we both burn out and need time off to defrag.
    We have tried the magnesium – and his latest comment to me was “will you lay off with the remedy ideas already, my cupboard is full”, he’s accepted the bottle’s readlily eneough to “shut me up” but likely put them aside and never tried them … that’s my son.
    I thank you for your help. I have your book on my order list. I am hoping some parent/s of an adult adhd that left the nest will eventually help shed more light on how to better understand their ADHD adult – their personal stories may benefit a lot of confused parents.

    1. Cynthia, if you have been bombarding him with lots of “remedies,” you might want to step back and think about being more strategic.

      If there’s a chance that you also have ADHD (it is highly genetic), I encourage you to look into that.

      It is hard to help someone with ADHD when one’s own ADHD symptoms cause problems with self-regulation, focus, organization, strategy, and separating the wheat from the chaff.

      As I said before, my book is ABOUT Adult ADHD And it contains many personal stories as well as evidence-based strategies.

      good luck,
      g

  4. RE: “It sounds, though, like you might still be on the fence a bit as to how much this is “willpower” and how much a valid medical condition. Albeit one that can come with the “denial” I spoke of earlier.”
    “Because it’s not just a matter of “how you phrase things.” It’s a matter of entire perspective. If he can know that you understand what he’s up against, what he feels inside (as far as not being able to motivate himself or whatever his challenge), then he might be more willing to listen to you. But if you are just saying, “You need to do better,” well, what if he can’t? How do you think that would feel?”

    g- I will admit I have Prayed that he will wake up one morning and all is well, he is “healed” completely from all affictions, and yes I do question his willpower as he does seem to give up too fast, too easy AND sometimes he does things very well, then next time he won’t even make the effort – he just waits and lets others do for him.
    BUT there is a lot more info out there now-a-days on ADHD in Adults and I am reading every thing I can get my hands on so I can understand it, and by doing that I am getting a lot of “ah ha” moments. I am seeing that maybe I am catching him at a time when he is “overwhelmed” and why he may snap at me if I ask him anything – I am learning to “test the fullness of his cup” before I even consider adding more to it. He does say he can “sense” my anxiety, so I myself have to learn to be calmer about how I approach things with him. I am learning. I do intend to add your book to my collection. I am trying to “walk in his shoes”, “see things from his perspective” so I can understand what he is up against.
    I also have to admit I originally bought the “self help” books for him BUT I started reading them and when the “ah ha” moments starting happening for me – I kept them for myself.
    Not too much info about ADHD adults and the relationship/struggles with their parents …

    1. Hi Cynthia,

      I feel for both of you. It shouldn’t have been this hard. The public just has no idea how uneven the standard of care is for people with ADHD and associated conditions. It’s enough to make me understand the vehemence of the “anti-psychiatry wingnuts.” Because i see the damage that unenlightened care has done — for 13 years now.

      You are right: there is very little written for the parents of adults with ADHD. I think that my book comes the closest to it, if you just ignore certain key parts on intimacy, etc.

      I don’t say this to you to “sell” my book. I wrote the book after many years of volunteer service, seeing what it is that people need to know. And putting it all, as much as I could fit, into one reference book.

      It sounds like your son has made many medical rounds. I wonder if he’s tried two things: massage and magnesium supplementation.

      Most of us are deficient in magnesium, and it is a key mineral for hundreds of physical-cellular functions. Specifically to your son’s case, when it is deficient, there is often stiffness and cramping in the muscles and tendons.

      Calcium is the mineral that “stiffens” and gives rigidity to muscles; magnesium allows them to relax and move. The two minerals work in concert and require balance. Yet many of us consume far too much calcium, in relation to magnesium.

      A quick Google search for “dystonia + magnesium” turned up this; I’m sure there are more:

      http://dystoniasupport.blogspot.com/2011/02/magnesium-and-dystonia.html

      I wish you both the best and encourage you to be optimistic. I personally have not always been well-served by the medical profession, and I’ve had to seek out my own answers. There is much that physicians do not know, and much we can do for ourselves.

      g

    2. P.S. on this part of your note: “AND sometimes he does things very well, then next time he won’t even make the effort – he just waits and lets others do for him.”

      ADHD is a very cunning condition. What you describe is one of the key reasons that people get so exasperated with their loved ones who have ADHD: Because it seems they CAN do what they’re supposed to do SOMETIMES.

      As some say, “The most consistent thing about ADHD is…..INCONSISTENCY.”

      Think of such brain functions as will power, initiation, motivation, etc. as being like muscles. A weak or overworked muscle can just stop working for us, intermittently, because it is tired, exhausted.

      g

    3. Hi Lorre,

      That’s so true. I often welcome the parents of adults with ADHD to our local “partners of” meeting.

      You’re right in that the relationship requires a different approach than that with intimate partners. But many of the principles are the same.

      best,
      g

  5. Re: P.S. re: “I took him to a doctor right away and found out he developed permenant neck/jaw fixed Dystonia from the meds.”

    g – After the 1st doctor I took him to – he has seen several other doctors who refered him to brain chemistry and movement disorder specialists – all agree with “probable drug-induced” Dystonia diagnosis. He has also been refered to and saw physchologists, councellors, been to a few naturopaths, has had accupunture treatments, and has tried several vitamin/mineral/herbal remedies and tried physiotherapy – nothing has helped with his fixed Dystonic neck/jaw condition as of yet.

  6. Thanks Gina, he was diagnosed with inattentive ADD with a LD at age 7, he is now 34, he knows he has ADHD. We tried most adhd meds but he was very senstive to all, bad side effects so he was taken off them and he managed with my reminders and guidance. He married in his mid 20’s, had 2 beautiful children, about a year before the birth of his 2nd child, he started having “don’t boss me around or control everything in my life” problems in his marriage. Unannounced to me he went back on ADHD meds about then. A few months after the birth of his 2nd child he was kicked out of his home – he was having problems with anger and verbal aggression and tuning out (all side effects he had back when he was a child). He shows up on my doorstep, drooling, shaking, very very anxious and it seemed like his chin was stuck to his shoulder blade. I took him to a doctor right away and found out he developed permenant neck/jaw fixed Dystonia from the meds. He is now on disability, doesn’t work, relies on welfare. He has his own place, lives alone but he has become a shut in, hiding away from life, not dealing with anything until it’s too late and sometimes impossible to correct, that’s when he calls me in to help him deal or fix his problems – he is absorbed in his computer and not dealing with reality, he even ended up homeless at one point for 3 months. I try to let him “be a responsible adult” but it always ends up back on my plate to get him out of jams. I have said no to cleaning it up numerous times and the next thing I know he is evicted or power cut off or lost visitation or phone rights to his children and he calls me saying “I am his last hope – mom please I am so overwhelmed I can’t deal”. I am tired, I am frustrated and now lately if I contact him to see if he is keeping on track – he says I am demeaning, bossy, a nag, and worse. I don’t know how to keep him on track without coming across as a nag, I do know if I don’t he will crash yet again because he is not doing anything to help himself – he just sits there in front of his computer, fully absorbed in it and tells me I nag him too much and cuts me off/out. He tells me I don’t say I am proud of him enough and quite honestly lately he is correct – because I am so blinded by all the trauma. I love him but I don’t know how to deal with it anymore, I am damned if I do and damned if I don’t and he still just puts doing important things off until too late – then calls me. I am proud that he has never turned to street drugs or booze to cope … that is a Blessing, he has turned to his Church BUT he is using people there too, to do for him that he can’t seem to do – afford food, clothing, rides, clean his home … I am just at a loss on what to do to and I am afraid for him if I do nothing. Between and rock and a hard place. I just need to know how to word things without seemingly to demean him because my words/guidance are not meant to do that. I can’t even ask him “how are you today” and he takes offence and goes off on a defensiev rant on me. I am sooooo tired.

    1. Oh dear. I sympathize with your situation. And his.

      Medical care, in large part, is not what it should be for these conditions. It also takes a lot of trial and error for some people to find the best benefit from medication. And, for some who are highly impaired, they will not have much of a functioning life without medication. But patients and their families must be educated so they can self-educate.

      It sounds, though, like you might still be on the fence a bit as to how much this is “willpower” and how much a valid medical condition. Albeit one that can come with the “denial” I spoke of earlier.

      I do think reading my book will help give you a foundation of understanding. Because it’s not just a matter of “how you phrase things.” It’s a matter of entire perspective. If he can know that you understand what he’s up against, what he feels inside (as far as not being able to motivate himself or whatever his challenge), then he might be more willing to listen to you. But if you are just saying, “You need to do better,” well, what if he can’t? How do you think that would feel?

      I still would encourage finding a healthcare provider who can help him overcome any lingering effects of whatever medication he took. Perhaps someone to focus on building up neurotransmitter building blocks, vitamins, and minerals. And I encourage you to find out what was that medication that allegedly gave him these side effects, so he doesn’t ever take it again and so it can inform the next doctor.

      I hope this helps.
      g

    2. P.S. re: “I took him to a doctor right away and found out he developed permenant neck/jaw fixed Dystonia from the meds.”

      I would not accept that conclusion from any doctor until I got other opinions, including from a healthcare professional who knows more about human biochemistry. I’m not typically a huge fan of naturopaths — their educational institutions are question, in my opinion. But if you can find someone who can work on some health basics with him, that might help improve his condition. And sometimes physicians are just not up to the task.

  7. being a parent of an ADHD (non-hyper) child that is now a grown adult, I am finding it difficult to communictate with him, as an adult he now takes my guidance, advice or reminders as criticism and is always on the angry defensive and I can barely get 2 words out and he shuts me down/out with a nasty remark. Are there any books/on-line groups that can help me re-learn how to talk to a adhd adult with out it coming across as being negative to him? Guidance/reminders that worked with him as child/teen do NOT work now. I am at a loss, it is like he hates me now.

    1. I’m sorry to hear this, Cynthia, and I wish I could say this rarely happens.

      It’s hard to say what would be helpful at this point. You don’t mention if he has ever been medically treated (and if he is now), how well he’s functioning, etc. So many factors.

      It’s important to remember that ADHD can cause impairment in a person’s ability to be objective about themselves. Also called “denial.”

      If he thinks he has no problems, and you’re the one who keeps pointing out where he needs help, he’s possibly seeing YOU as the problem.

      I would suggest that you read my book, to learn more about Adult ADHD, especially the “denial” component.

      best,
      Gina

  8. I am going to order your book. I think my husband has it. I watched that video of Mr. Green and it was funny. Made me feel a little more compassionate. But I feel so frustrated because my husband is in denial. I feel absolutely drained from mediating and trying to keep him calm and put out fires. It has been this way our whole married life – almost 30 years. But it seems to have magnified over the last couple years. I think he also has some OCD mixed in the Adult ADHD.

    1. Hi Leslie,

      Most people find the book a solid guide to understanding Adult ADHD and its treatment strategies. So I do recommend it. 😉

      Yes, sometimes ADHD symptoms can worsen with age as well as with life events, such as death of a parent, economic downturn, etc.

      best,
      g

  9. I have taken the ADHD test on line and scored a 97, aced it. I didn’t even have to study. Is there a number I can call to get help. I am in my last several weeks of getting a degree as an occupation therapy assistant and struggling a lot. I have done some reseach and found the reasons why.. PLEASE help.

    1. Hi Shawn,

      I replied to your other comment on another post.

      You don’t indicate what kind of research you have done; there is some good information on the Internet but also much misinformation.

      I wrote my book as a comprehensive guide to understanding Adult ADHD and pursuing treatment, including learning about the components of an evaluation and medication/therapy strategies.

      The book is available in paperback and also audiobook format. Here is a link to purchase it on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0981548709/ref=s9_sims_gw_s1_p14_i1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=0Y9XTBJ1CB14HVJ3H570&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=470938631&pf_rd_i=507846

  10. I’m not sure what my problem is, however most of my close friends say I have ADD. I’m in desperate need of help.

    1. Hi Shawn,
      If most of your close friends say that, it’s probably worth listening to. 🙂
      The best place to start is educating yourself about ADHD. That’s why I wrote my book, to be a comprehensive guide for adults with ADHD and their loved ones.

      good luck on your journey,
      Gina

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Stay in Touch!
Ride the ADHD Roller Coaster
Without Getting Whiplash!
Receive Gina Pera's award-winning blog posts and news of webinars and workshops.
P.S. Your time and privacy—Respected.
No e-mail bombardment—Promised.
No Thanks!
close-link