The View from the Roller Coaster — Both Sides Part 1

Introduction from the book Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.?

Monday, 8 PM
The monthly meeting comes to order in the heart of Silicon Valley, a world
center of leading-edge technology. Household names such as Google,
Yahoo, Apple, YouTube, Netflix, and Hewlett-Packard dot this short
stretch of coastal California between San Francisco and San Jose. In attendance
this evening are software developers and computer scientists, some
from these very companies.

What’s on tonight’s agenda? The Next Big Thing in high-tech? Not
exactly. Not unless you have adult ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity
Disorder). In that case, keeping track of your keys can be a very big thing
indeed.

Phillip,* 32, a talented software programmer with a beautiful smile and
an engaging personality, begins: “Okay, I’ve been practicing some of the
suggestions we talked about last time for keeping track of my keys, and I
can’t believe how well they’re working.” No one snickers. No one rolls
their eyes. Most people attending this support group for adults with
ADHD chuckle and nod in agreement, relieved to hear someone speak
openly about an embarrassing problem that they, too, have, or a problem
similar to theirs.

(* Not his real name. Descriptions of activities and individuals throughout this book are drawn from composites created from multiple accounts.)

Make no mistake: Silicon Valley might be a worldwide magnet for people
with ADHD, what with their stereotypical love of the new and novel.
But even here, ADHD is not limited to young men who tinker in high-tech,
and its challenges aren’t limited to lost keys. The people gathered tonight—
male and female, professionals and blue-collar workers, teens and retirees,
long-time locals and new immigrants from many different nations—find
themselves dogged by a few or many of these other difficulties:
• Losing track of priorities
• Arriving late to events and missing deadlines
• Having trouble initiating tasks and following through to completion
• Being chronically disorganized
• Managing finances poorly
• Losing their temper easily
• Overspending, smoking, video gaming, and other addictions
• Not being “present” in relationships
As you would expect, behaviors like these seldom won them kudos
from bosses, coworkers, family members, or even grade-school teachers.
As a result, some people have lost jobs, partnerships, houses, large fortunes,
and self-worth. Or, at best, they believe (or have been told often
enough) they have fallen far short of their potential. Some have been
unsuccessfully treated for anxiety or depression for years without knowing
that, in fact, untreated ADHD was making them anxious or depressed.
Many of these late-to-diagnosis adults have long suspected that they
were a bit “different.” When they finally learn about ADHD, most wish
they’d learned sooner. Much sooner. It explains a lot about how their
unwitting actions generated unpleasant consequences as well as why, just
when they started getting traction in life, they’d often slip on that invisible
banana peel.
Meanwhile, tonight, as these adults share their triumphs and difficulties,
ones that their families and the public frequently fail to understand or
accept, you can almost see the lightbulbs flashing on. Apprehensive newcomers
relax their jaws. Arms unfold. Possibilities expand as they realize
that they are not alone, that other smart people, accomplished people,
well-meaning people ride the same roller coaster.
They begin to realize they’re not “lazy, stupid, or crazy,” as that breakthrough
ADHD book title goes. Most important, they learn that practical
solutions exist for helping them optimize their abilities. For many, this is
the only gathering where they feel truly understood.
But if you stumble on this group while looking for the Toastmasters
meeting down the hall, and if you stay a while to listen and watch, you
might wonder why these “normal-looking” adults have never picked up
certain “mature adult behaviors,” like getting organized or getting to bed
at a decent hour. You might ask yourself:
• “Didn’t their parents teach them?”
• “Don’t they realize why these issues are important?
• “Do they just not care?”
The short answer: ADHD challenges have little to do with intelligence,
caring, the lessons their parents tried to teach, or what they know to be
right or wrong. It has more to do with
• having difficulty focusing one’s attention right now,
• on the most critical task, speaker, or activity, and
• once focus has been achieved, maintaining it instead of yielding
to distraction.
As one prominent ADHD expert, psychologist Russell Barkley, says,
“The challenge is not knowing what to do. It’s in doing what you know.”
So, instead of calling it an attention-deficit disorder, we could call it an
intention-inhibition disorder. That’s because it’s a condition in which the
best intentions go awry.

If you’re an adult with ADHD, can you relate to this group? Do you remember the first time you realized something along these lines: “Hey, it’s not just me who has these ‘quirks,’ and it’s not my personality, and they don’t come from dark motives in my subconscious, etc. I have ADHD”? Please share your experience. You don’t need to register; it’s quick and easy.

Next time: the view from the other side of the roller coaster (the partners of adults with ADHD).