The Basics

When it comes to conversational styles, do you or someone you love tend to blurt or bore? How about boss or even bleed (oversharing a litany of woes)? In this guest post, Seattle therapist Tanya Ruckstuhl-Valenti summarizes these four “Bs” as social bloopers we all want to avoid.

By Tanya Ruckstuhl-Valenti, LICSW, MSW

Given my profession as a therapist, I talk with very many people; or rather I listen to very many people.  I’ve noticed that folks with ADHD diagnoses, as well as folks with anxiety and/or depression, often suffer from social isolation.  Social isolation compounds mental-health issues by removing the normalizing effect of being in the company of other imperfect beings who are, like us, doing the best they can.  This loss of beneficial feedback further reinforces the sense of shame of imperfection that many mental-health issues share as a root fallacy. So it’s my passion to talk about social skills because I think they are both simple and transformative.

Good conversations, like a good relationships, require both an intersection of interest as well as a departure from familiarity because what use is there in having someone in your life who thinks and acts exactly like you?  As such, we never need to worry about not having enough in common with another person.  Our differences are flavoring and our similarities are the underlying basic ingredients we are all made from.

For now, let’s focus on Conversation Killers, which all involve failing to think about the other person. I like to summarize them as four Bs: Boring, Bleeding, Blurting and Bossy. Read the rest of this entry »

Patrick McKenna, left, and Rick Green, stars of ADD & Loving It?! and ADD & Mastering It!

You are invited to join me and my friend Rick Green (who created and starred in the PBS smash-hit documentary ADD & Loving It?!) for a webinar on ADHD and Aging. The date is Tuesday, April 2, 5 pm PDT, 8 pm EDT.

Rick and I will have a conversation online, and you can ask questions. This webinar will be fun and informative.  Note: You will need to register as a premium member at TotallyADD.com (more about those benefits below; the free membership is a great deal, too!).

Here is the description of the show on ADHD and Aging:

Join Gina Pera, author of Is It You, Me, or Adult ADD?, for straight talk about the challenges confronting seniors who have, or live with someone who has, ADHD.

Many issues will be familiar to ADHD adults of any age: medication; memory; getting a reliable diagnosis. More and more adults are getting the diagnosis later in life. And, Gina is quick to emphasize, it’s never too late.

A journalist by trade, Gina is relentless about finding the truth, cutting through the non-sense, exposing the ‘bad science’, and ending people’s suffering.

Since learning about ADHD she has dedicated her life to educating others, busting myths, and crusading for the cause. In the process she has accumulated more knowledge about both the neurology and personal suffering than most experts. Read the rest of this entry »

As I sit at this desk, day after day and week after week, working hard on my next book (a professional guide for couples therapists treating ADHD-affected couples), I’m encouraged to see that my first book is #1 today in Amazon’s ADHD category and #8 in counseling. Not bad for a book published in 2008, after many years of work and asking my husband, “Do you really think anyone will read it?”  (Bless him, the answer was always “Of course!”)

One of the topics covered in the new book is the importance of helping adults with ADHD to build incremental rewards into their goals. This is helpful not just for people with ADHD but for their partners—and everyone else. Even Dr. Russell Barkley wrote in Taking Charge of Aduilt ADHD that he sometimes rewards himself one Hershey’s Kiss after completing a page of writing. (That is a great book, by the way, full of down-to-earth strategies for getting real traction in your life.) So, this morning as I tangle with a chapter whose unwieldy parts are defying my executive function’s capacity to organize, it’s nice to have this bit of encouragement.

A friend who has ADHD and is also very gluten-sensitive recently has been suffering with one inexplicable malady after another. Finally, an explanation: the gluten in the generic medication she has been taking. Here is some information from the Celiac Disease & Gluten Sensitivity page at About.com:

For both the consumer and the pharmacist, unless a medication is specifically labeled as gluten-free, calling the manufacturer is the only way to confirm the medication’s gluten-free status.

How Is Gluten Hidden In Medications?

In prescription and over-the-counter medicines, fillers (also called “inactive ingredients” or “excipients”) are added to the active drug. Fillers provide shape and bulk for tablets and capsules, aid in water absorption (helping the tablet to disintegrate), and serve other purposes as well. Fillers can be derived from any starch source, including corn, potatoes, tapioca and wheat.

Unfortunately, very few medications are labeled as gluten-free. Inactive ingredients may be listed on the box or the package insert, but it is difficult if not impossible (even for pharmacists) to tell if these are derived from gluten. [continued at About.com]

If you live in the San Francisco Bay Area and want to learn more about Adult ADHD, including success strategies for living a healthier and happier life, I invite you to join me and others in the ADHD community for a free presentation Monday, February 11, 2013, at 6:30 to 8:45 pm. The Mission and 10th St. location is convenient to mass transit and has plenty of free street parking after 6 pm.

To attend, RSVP is required through my SF Meetup.com page. (You might need to already be enrolled in Meetup.com. If you have trouble, please Email Gina Pera

More details:

“Success Strategies for Adults with ADHD and Their Loved Ones”

with International ADHD Expert and Author Gina Pera

This entertaining, informative 1.5 hour presentation has been a hit at international ADHD conferences. Now Gina brings it home to audiences in the Bay Area.

This event kicks off a monthly series  of dynamic and practical evening workshops for adults with ADHD and their loved ones. Also welcome: mental-health professionals and students.

The goal: Learning and sharing solid information that leads to happier, healthier lives.

Note: This talk is not about “relationships” per se; it’s about adult ADHD, including its potential effects on relationships, and its treatment strategies. Both singles and couples will find the information helpful as will the mental-health professionals who help these adults and couples. Read the rest of this entry »

Translation from the Turkish: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

The e-mail had me at the subject message: “about translating your book into Turkish.” Six months later, the Turkish version of Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? is almost ready to meet the public. It is all thanks to Dr. Mehmet Akif Ersoy, a Turkish psychiatrist possessing a keen appreciation for the dramatic difference that proper ADHD diagnosis and treatment can make in a person’s life. He is devoted to increasing public awareness and professional expertise in his home country. Making my book available is a big step in that direction, and I am honored to be a part of it.

Sure, I was a little leery at first. Dr. Ersoy and I had never met, and yet the translation process would require turning over my “baby” (files and all!) to this far-flung stranger. His credentials weren’t in question, and I could no doubt find mutual contacts. I was more interested in the human factor. That is, could I trust this person to understand the heart of my book and compassionately translate it? Fortunately, Dr. Ersoy immediately understood my hesitation and responded in a way that absolutely put me at ease: He sent three photos (one of him with his family, one of his two absolutely darling young sons, and one of him in a London wax museum’s “Oval Office” with President Obama). The combination of which, to my mind, depicted a smart, empathic professional with kind eyes and a sense of humor:  Perfect! The deal was sealed! Read the rest of this entry »

For the 37 years my husband lived without benefit of ADHD diagnosis, he developed many coping strategies. One was implementing organizational systems so he would not waste time or unnecessarily frustrate himself by hunting down often-used items — keys, Swiss Army knife, umbrellas, and the like.  For the pre-diagnosis years of our relationship, I also developed systems, such as installing a white board (such as the one featured below) in the kitchen for important communications.

These days, when people ask my advice in addressing their own or their partners’ ADHD-related challenges, I suggest they first focus on organizational strategies.  Perhaps even consulting a professional organizer before seeking therapy or couples counseling.  Yes, therapy can be important. Yes, medication can be foundational. But so many individual problems and “couples troubles” around ADHD stem from chronic disorganization.  In the early days of diagnosis, I consider it vital to instill a sense of optimism that life can truly get better. And one of the best ways to do that is to immediately focus on environmental strategies.

As I listen this week to all the reports of “Black Friday” shopping, I decided to highlight some products on Amazon.com that can help you get organizational traction. Quickly and cost-effectively.  The list is not exhaustive; I plan to highlight specific categories in the future (bedroom, closet, office, etc.).   The idea is to get you thinking strategically about problem-solving.  Enjoy the slideshow, with my captions on each product! Click on any product to place it in your shopping cart. (Might not work in Google Chrome browser.)