The many errors made in the world by people with AD/HD, the people who love them, the people who cannot love them, and the professionals who “treat” them — or don’t — are tragic and painful to acknowledge. As an ardent truth-teller, I have been disheartened so much by the ways in which real possibility for the different-in-a-not-so-glamorous-way is compromised by some admixture of disbelief, denial, mismanagement, false hope and fantasy.

The best thing for anyone — special, different or normal — is to begin with the truth. I liken it to entering a large mall (God forbid) and, wishing to find one small shop, studying the directory and locating the “You Are Here” arrow before setting out.

Truth may hurt, but it surely does not harm. And if it gets a person on the road to greater effectiveness and a greater sense of well being, then please, let us have clear, undistorted mirrors into which we can look. The mirrors, of course, have to be the one-way kind, with the only way being toward our center.

To piggyback on Dr. Parker’s comment, I have also found that people feel like impostors when hiding their difficulties from the world and, not accidentally, from themselves. Yet, when they attain some success, the impostor is turned inside out as they try to reconcile the “no-account” with the “somebody” — both of which occupy the same person’s confused brain.

So much of recovery/management from ADHD ‘issues’ is finding a balance in the context of different real-life events. Those troubled by ADD spectrum disorders [not sufficiently appreciated by public and professionals], often chase dreams because reality itself is often clouded by layers of thinking.

Since all human relationship issues are, at their foundation, boundary disputes, ADD folks present with a special set of reality problems. Too much/too little thinking means boundaries can become cloudy, and since ADD is actually a contextual disorder [to be addressed in my new book] boundaries can change in the context of the reality at the moment.

With ADD, to follow Lew’s metaphor, the real challenge, often for years, is finding the home boundaries, the self – the normal, consistent reality of ‘the self/who.’ So many ADHD folks in my office feel like impostors, hiding the fact that they are clouded, and really don’t want any ‘special’ attention directed to their confusing internal dialog. – Right on, Lew.

Lew’s thoughtful remarks remind us that we can find ourselves by facing that inevitably changing reality, and creating an operational grid, a home we can carry everyday, where ever we go.

Thanks guys,
Chuck