umbrellawedI knew something was up when a greater-than-usual  number of “help, please!” e-mails appeared in my in-box this morning.

Then my friend Doreen gave me the heads up on Facebook: MSN.com had featured a “When Your Lover Has ADHD” tag on its Valentine’s-themed homepage.  It linked to an interview I’d done last year with Health.com: “When Someone You Love Has ADHD: Frequently Asked Questions About Helping Your Partner and Yourself.”  It begins this way:

When journalist Gina Pera married a man with undiagnosed Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (AD/HD) she embarked on a wild ride that took her from frustration and confusion to understanding and advocacy. Today she runs support groups for people with ADHD and their partners, and her book Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? was published in 2008.

“Wild ride” indeed. But our marriage started out more on the rainy side. (That’s us at our outdoor wedding in 1998.  Despite the huge two-person umbrella, my husband still managed to position the dripline right over me. Fortunately, that kind of center-of-the-universe tendency is a relic of the past — or neither one of us, not to mention our marriage, would have survived!) Here’s a sample of the questions:

Q: How did you realize that your husband had ADHD?

Q: In the title of your book, you used the outdated term “ADD.” Why that instead of ADHD?

Q: What are the biggest issues that get in the way when one partner in a relationship has ADHD, based on your experience with support groups?

Q: Besides problems at work, how else can ADHD affect a family’s financial situation?

Read more questions (and answers)  here.

Here are two of the e-mails I received this morning. Identifying details have been changed, but the challenges and sentiments expressed are common to the communications I’ve received for ten years now:

From Helena in Georgia:

Dear Gina,

I just read an article on MSN.com on the above.  It may be me.  The MSN article caught my attention because it noted that your husband is a scientist, which is not the sort of occupation I would expect a person with this problem to have.  I’ve always had difficulty with organization and time management as well as priorities, however, I am considered reasonably accomplished by most standards.

It takes a great amount of energy, though, for me to stay focused sometimes and I often run late and do miss deadlines, one of which nearly cost me my job.  When I am focused I am far more productive than the average person, which is fortunate because when I’m not I spend hours getting nothing done.

I rarely check out a book or rent a movie that doesn’t go back late – even when I tell myself I won’t forget I always do.  My two older kids (10 and 14) find it amusing.  I’ve made great improvements on my own with my time and procrastination in the last couple of years, but still struggle to do better and to understand why it is an effort for me but apparently so easy for others. Mostly I’ve substantially reduced the things that are regularly on my “to do” list which has really helped. I have a history of taking on more than anyone could possibly do in a 24 hr day even without sleep – partly because, strangely, part of me enjoyed having to rush to get things done even though it is so stressful.  I realize that this is actually a problem. As I’ve done less I’ve found that getting things done ahead of deadline, or even being early for appointments (wow), feels so much better.  A no brainer for most I’m sure but it wasn’t for me.

I never would have thought of ADD as an issue because I always understood that to mean a person who can’t focus on any task and who generally doesn’t do well in life as a result.  My sister is like that and is normally unemployed.  On the other hand, I worked my way through college and law school, which took great effort.  My ex once suggested I might have attention deficit which I rejected noting that I couldn’t possibly have become an attorney if I did.  After reading your article I see that he might have hit the nail on the head.

If I could relieve the stress of wondering when I’m going to drop the ball again, and worrying if it will be one that sinks me professionally or personally, life would be so much better for me and my kids.  One of my fears is that my children will have the same problems I do.  I am going to look into this as a possibility  in my life and hopefully  will find answers and solutions that I so badly need.

Thank you for shedding new light on this issue.

From Russ in Iowa:

Hi Gina.

Wow, I just read your article regarding adult ADHD.  I stumbled on it actually, but  it immediately caught my eye since I have been married to a woman for over  20 years with (at least I am fairly certain) with Adult ADHD.

It has become much worse and has really taxed our marriage over the past few years.  She is a great person, but just can not get her act together on so many fronts – organizing and teaching kids about daily routines and chores,  social plans for us with friends,  and on and on.  The kids (we have a son, 9, and a girl, 13) are becoming more frustrated too as it is affecting them more as they get older.  For example, if my wife says, “I will be there in a minute to help you” – she often gets back to them, if at all, hours later and after repeated requests.  If she tells us to wait before starting dinner, she may not show up for 30 minutes, or longer if not constantly prodded.  She gets lost in so many insignificant things on her way to doing what she is supposed to be at any given moment. But she seems to not realize that she’s doing it — or why we’re upset.

She is constantly getting times, dates and names wrong even when we have what I perceive as clear conversations with her.  She often doesn’t remember entire conversations or issues we discussed and is adamant it did not occur.  It drives me nuts.

She is always scrambling at the last minute to plan birthday parties and other types of activities.  She often goes out for a simple errand (to pick up something at the store) and doesn’t come back for hours. I don’t know whether she’s taken ill or gotten in a car accident!  And this happens when we have definite plans later in the day, for which she is then of course late. When she comes back, she has bags of items she really doesn’t need.

She does not work outside the home, and we have a nanny and maid. Still, she is scrambling to get the kids out the door in the morning because nothing was organized the night before, and she usually sleeps through the alarm – they’re always stressed and arguing because of it.

I love her and want to stay married to her. But this is not the kind of life I want for myself or my family. Our social life has suffered because she doesn’t understand the reciprocal behavior that creates friendships and social circles.

We’ve seen couples therapists, but it has been less than helpful. We really need some help since things are getting worse in a hurry.

Your article was so on point, and I will read your book.  Please give me any advice you can.  Thanks.

imagesTo save money, many people with ADHD take generic medications. Most have received assurances from  their physicians that “bioequivalence” with the brand-name version is required and assured. Unfortunately, that is not always the case. Increasingly, patients who do notice a significant difference between brand-name and generic are making their voices heard.

The ADHD Roller Coaster covered this topic a few months ago, after I read an outrageous Consumer Reports press release that  even warned consumers away from brand-name medications for ADHD as being too costly and unnecessary.  I countered with this blog post on the potential dangers of generic medications for treating ADHD and co-existing conditions.

With other readers, I left comments at the Consumer Reports blog post (”Parents: Don’t rush Children to Adderall, Concerta, Strattera”).

Today’s New York Times article (”Not All Drugs Are the Same After All”) today backs up my points on generics. Some snippets: Read the rest of this entry »

Dear readers,


Each time you shop at Amazon, Amazon will make a donation to keep this ADHD Roller Coaster blog and The ADHD Partner blog rolling along — at NO extra cost to you!

It’s simple: Just begin all your Amazon shopping expeditions from this link (just book mark it).

http://tinyurl.com/y8wu2st

If you do that, Amazon will send a tiny percentage of all purchases my way.  Books. DVDs. Appliances. You name it!

As most of you know, my ADHD volunteerism  is reaching the decade mark soon. And every little bit helps towards maintaining three blogs, hosting websites, donating copies of the book to those in need, speaking to groups about Adult ADHD, and more.

Thanks so much and happiest of holidays!

Gina

Pressured by Congress to crack down  on performance-enhancing drugs and “false claims of A.D.D.,”  Major League Baseball is pleased to report that the number of exemptions for ADHD medications are tapering off.  Is this really news worth celebrating?  I’m not so sure.baseball

In 2007, the number of players receiving exemptions for ADHD rose to 108, from 28 in 2006.  That figure strikes me as reasonable, not alarming, given increasing public awareness during that time period.

After all, the players receiving exemptions represent about 9 percent of total players, which number  1,200 or so.  Extremely conservative estimates place the percentage of adults with ADHD in the general population at about 4 percent, but experts acknowledge that using more realistic criteria bumps the figure as high as 16 percent.

Yet, as reported in a previous post (“Anti-Doper Doc Dopey about ADHD?”), this spike created quite the rhubarb among sports officials, including non-savvy ADHD physicians. (“This is incredible. This is quite spectacular. There seems to be an epidemic of ADD in major league baseball,” said Dr. Gary Wadler, chairman of the committee that determines the banned-substances list for the World Anti-Doping Agency.)

This recent article in The New York Times article (”Number of M.L.B. Players Given Drug Exemptions Up Slightly“) explains the latest report on all medication exemptions.

To leave a comment, please scroll down.

Consider this your personal invitation to join us next weekend (11/14/09) at ADD Resources’ Eighth Annual Fall Conference in Bellevue, Washington.  The theme this year is ADHD: Acceptance is Empowering.

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Knowledge is power, too, and this is a wonderfully cost-effective opportunity to both expand your knowledge of ADHD and familiarize yourself with the ADHD community in the Pacific Northwest.

Nationally known ADHD expert and psychologist Ari Tuckman (author of the new book More Attention, Less Deficit) will travel from Pennsylvania to present the morning keynote address: “Control What You Can, Let Go of the Rest.” Judging by the overflow capacity at Dr. Tuckman’s recent presentation at the CHADD conference in Cleveland, you won’t want to miss this candid, practical, and engaging expert! Read the rest of this entry »

This week: A guest post from ADHD coach Cynthia Hammer, founder and former executive director of Seattle-based non-Cynthia Hammerprofit ADD Resources (click here to visit her blog, “Pinnacle Coaching”).

I’ve always enjoyed Cynthia’s personal essays (look for more to come), and we both appreciate the thoughtful perspectives of Judith Warner, who writes the “Domestic Disturbances” column for The New York Times.
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Do you ever get discouraged about all the bad and inaccurate press about ADHD? That it is a condition that doesn’t exist? That those of us who have ADHD are seeking the easy way out by taking medicine or that we parents give dangerous medicine to children for a made-up condition?

I just finished reading an article by Judith Warner, a columnist for The New York Times who planned to write a book on these kinds of topics, but she kept putting off writing the book—and she finally realized why. Read the rest of this entry »

By popular demand, the full version of the Ohio Players singing their 1975 hit (and the ADHD Roller Coaster theme song), Love Roller Coaster, and a cover from The Red Hot Chili Peppers (with Beevis and Butthead).


“Your love is like a roller coaster, baby baby. I wanna ride….ooo hoo hoo hoo.” (The headline’s poetic license courtesy of my husband.)

What’s an ADHD Roller Coaster blog without a theme song, especially one you can dance to? Click below to play my top pick: Love Roller Coaster from the Ohio Players. Read the rest of this entry »

I will be joining ADHD specialist Dr. Alan Graham of ADDvisor.com for a free teleconference on “ADHD and Success Strategies for Couples.”

Date: Wednesday, October 14.
Time: 8:30 pm EDT.
To Pre-register: click here.

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Findings from the Most Comprehensive Survey on ADHD and Relationships